I was sipping a large frosty glass of beer in the hotel lobby,getting ready to head home after speaking about business growth fora group of entrepreneurs. That's when Chris approached me.

“Can I ask you a question,” he said tentatively. “I'm stumpedabout what to do about this situation I'm in.”

I encouraged him to tell me more. Here's his story:

I was recently in a meeting with an executive for a largehospital group. I'd been referred in by a mutual connection, whichimmediately positioned me as a credible resource.

When we met, I really hit it off with this executive. Iasked her lots of questions. She shared some confidentialinformation. And, because I'd dealt with similar issues when Iworked in the medical field, I had lots of ideas about how toaddress the challenge.

It was a great meeting. She thanked me for my time and saidshe needed to think about what we'd talked about.

My initial reaction was that he'd probably spilled the beans tooquickly. That's one of the most common problems I see. Buthonestly, he convinced me otherwise. They really had a solidpeer-to-peer conversation. So I asked him, “What's theproblem?”

“That was three weeks ago and I haven't heard from her since,”he confessed. “What should I be doing?”

Chris said that he'd called and emailed several times,mentioning that he was touching base or wanted to know herthoughts. As Chris saw the expression on my face, he justified hisfollow-up strategy, “I don't want to be too pushy.”

How holding back holds you back

If I've heard that response once, I've heard it a thousandtimes. No one wants to be pushy. I don't want to be pushy. Butthere's a big difference between being pushy and beingprofessional.

That's when I decided it was time to turn the tables on Chris —to get him to think “as if” he were his prospect. Here's what Isaid:

Let's say you were the decision-maker. You'd just met with asavvy business person who truly understood your situation. You wereimpressed — and even relieved — because a solid resource hadappeared.

Here's my big question, Chris. If you, as an executive, metthis savvy person, what would you expect him or her to donext?

He looked at me thoughtfully. “I'd follow up—but I don'twant to be pushy. It might turn her off.”

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Dare to be a leader and show your prospect the next logicalstep. (Photo: iStock)

“Chris,” I said. “Get over yourself. You're being a total wuss.Now tell me, what would you want this person to do? Put on yourbuyer's hat. Think. Then talk to me 'as if' you were thisperson.”

I watched Chris struggling with the question, then saw somethingshift. A new idea was emerging; deep down he already knew theanswer. Speaking as if he were the buyer, Chris told me:

I'd want this person to take charge. I have a gazillionthings going on here in my organization. I'm constantly jumpingfrom project to project. I don't like to take big risks hereeither. I've seen too many careers get dead-ended.

I don't want this person coming to me with a big humongousplan to solve my problem. That would only throw me into overwhelm.What I'd really like is for the seller to suggest the logical nextstep.

I'd want to test him out on that to make sure that I likedworking with him, that he delivered on his promises and that hiswork yielded results.

“Exactly,” I chimed in. “And what's preventing you from takingcharge with this prospect?”

Chris said, “I don't want to be pushy. And, I guess I want herto want to work with me.”

How your own thinking holds you back

As I talked with Chris, I could see that his wish not to bepushy was overriding his sense of how he could help his prospect.“This is not about you,” I told him. “This is about helping apotential customer address their challenges and achieve theirobjectives.

“You need to focus on them, not you. Don't wait for them to comebegging for your services. Help them. Show them the next steps.Now.”

With that, I took the last sip of my beer and said my good-byes.I honestly don't know if Chris ever dared to be a leader, to showhis prospect the next logical step, to help them realize the valueof making a change and to guide them through the decision process.But if he didn't, he was missing a big opportunity.

That's what it takes to win big deals this days.

Related: How to successfully follow up withanyone