Sometimes in life you don't get what you want, you get what youdeserve.

When it comes to referrals for your business, I sincerelybelieve this is true. If you are getting a lot of referrals, you probablydeserve them. If you are not, you probably don't.

So many advisors talk about the best way to generate referrals.How do they ask existing clients for them? What's the bestapproach to getting them?

Related: 5 common mistakes that discouragereferrals

Unfortunately, some advisors, no matter how bad they want areferral or what they say to get them, aren't going to getthem. While others, seem to make it look easy. They don't even askand they get them consistently. So the question is, why? What's thedifference?

The key to getting a referral isn't a set of magical words youuse in order to unlock the secret. No, it's not about what you sayor when you say it. The first and most important step to gainingcustomer referrals is to build an incredible business that turnsyour clients into raving fans. You've got to build a business thatis great at what it does and has a service model that gives yourclients a great experience with every interraction.

Bottom line: You've got to build a referable business. That'sthe first step. Remember, when someone makes a referral they'reputting their name and their reputation on the line, they've got tobe confident you will do an incredible job for their friends,family, or, acquaintances.

Once you have built a business that is “referable,” it's nowtime to systematize your referral process so that you can enjoy asteady stream of referrals. Here are a couple of ways to dothat:

Personalize your customer experience

If you want to build a referable business it's important toenhance your customer service and set yourself apart with adifferentiating value-add in the mind of your clients andprospects.

One way to do this is through “client-cloning.” I tell financialadvisors to have their staff identify the birthdays of your top tenclients. Reach out to the client with the closest birthday andinvite him or her out to a special birthday dinner where they cancelebrate together. But have them invite two of their closestfriends/peers to celebrate with as well. They pick the place to go,the advisors picks up the bill.

On the night of the event, don't talk about business, just enjoyyour time together. Work on cultivating a relationship with theirfriends as well. Then, a few days after the fact, call your clientand thank him or her for letting you celebrate the birthday withthem. Then ask them for “advice” on whether or not they think itwould be a good idea for your to reach out to their friends andthank them for joining as well. They will always say yes, and moreoften than not, they will let you know they already told theirfriends how great of a job you do and that they should definitelymeet with you.

If you are able to do this strategy 10 times over the course ofthe year, you would have met with 20 of your top 10 clients closestfriends. And worst case, let's say you didn't get any additionalclients out of this process. You still gave your top 10 clients agreat experience by doing this for them.

Trust me, the more you love and care for your current clients,the more referrals you are going to get.

Hosting events for clients and prospects is a way tonaturally increase your level of customer experience and also cloneyour existing clients. (Photo: iStock)

Host recurring events for clients andprospects

The second way you can increase the amount of referrals you getis to coordinate events that your current clients want toattend.

You could host educational luncheons each month, or do a monthlywine tasting. Some do golf outings in the summer, or a big bbq withtheir clients. Regardless of the event, the idea is to createevents that are over the top where clients will leave bragging totheir friends.

If you can get them bragging, you are building a culture whereyour clients don't want to ever miss out on what you are doing andthese are the types of events that their friends would want toattend at the same time. Then let your clients know that theseevents would be a great place for them to bring their friends andthey'll be happy to bring them.

One of my female financial advisors, for example, noticed thatsingle women, in particular, weren't getting the attention theydeserved by a male-dominated financial services industry. She alsoknew that many of her single women weren't too into Valentine's dayeach year, so she decided to host an annual Valentine's dayluncheon for them.

She made this event so special and showed them all an incredibletime, that was really her only priority. By doing this, she hascreated something that her clients look forward to every singleyear. But it gets better, over the years she has encouraged herclients to invite their friends to attend with them and each yearshe get's more and more referrals. She even had one client ask tobring a group of friends and reserved a whole table, just for them.This is a great example of a recurring event that enhances yourrelationship with your current clients, but creates an opportunityto meet their friends at the same time.

Additional tips on referrals

One of the big “no-nos” I see is when financial advisors host anevent like this, is they rely on mail, or email, to communicate this event to theirclients. Remember, mail and email, is not designed to do your jobfor you. It's also not a personal touch.

When it comes to asking for referrals, by putting “bring areferral” on your invite, it won't work nearly as well as you or agood team member communicating with each client what's planned forthe event, why you are putting it on, and how it would be a greatplace for them to bring a friend. Trust me. I've had an advisor dothis both ways, for the same event, and the difference between themgetting tons of referrals vs. none came down to how it waspositioned and communicated with the valued clients.

Another quick thing I see is that financial advisors often asktheir existing clients for referrals. Instead, ask your clients foradvice on how to find and connect with more people just like them.Everyone loves giving their advice, and this often leads to themgetting creative on how you can meet some of their closestfriends.

Again, a great customer experience is the first key togetting referrals. If you aren't getting referrals, first enhanceyour client experience and then you can find easy ways like we'vedescribed here to make it easy for your clients to refer theirfriends to you.

Shawn Sparks has served as a consultant to financialservices leaders for over a decade. You can connect with Shawnat www.shawnsparks.com or email him at [email protected].