Ready or not, I'm turning 50 this afternoon! I've tried not todwell on this earthshaking event, but circumstances haven't made iteasy. Indeed, it seems as if the world has been conspiring toremind me about the consequences of aging as my mega-birthdayapproached!

First came the inevitable, dreaded letter, inviting me to joinAARP. My spouse urged me to tear it up and forget all about it, butnot only did I sign up, I added her name to the membership list aswell.

Perhaps I'll see a benefit someday, maybe in terms of a groupinsurance purchase–for me, life always comes down to insurance…anoccupational habit! But for now it's just depressing to see theirmagazine arrive every month to inform me how to age gracefully.

Then a week before my birthday, I received a rude awakening thatentering another decade has financial implications. My privatedisability carrier (again, insurance!) hiked my premium rate 23% inrecognition of my turning 50. Have I really become that much moreof a risk at 50 than I was yesterday at 49??? I guess I have thosecold, cruel actuarial tables to thank. Nothing personal, right?Just another rite of passage!

If that wasn't disturbing enough, when I returned from RIMS, mymailbox contained a letter from a firm selling about the only realestate that hasn't dropped in value lately–a cemetary pitchingprime plots out on Long Island. Besides inviting me to “visit andinspect” their available locations, they offered me “an informativeand complimentary book” with a rather rude title, “Let's Face ItNow.” It promises to teach me all I need to know about long-termcare coverage, as well as health and life insurance (I can't escapethis business!), along with wills, Social Security benefits “andmuch more.” Cheerful stuff to ponder, indeed.

I'm surprised they did not offer me a free copy of “Death ForDummies.” (No, they haven't really written THAT book yet–Idoublechecked on Amazon.com. But give it time.)

The kicker, however, came when I recently went to see theRolling Stones concert film, “Shine A Light.” I handed the kid atthe ticket window a 20-dollar bill, expecting eight bucks back inchange. Instead, when I got inside the theater, I saw she had givenme $12!

I checked the ticket, and, good lord, she had sold me a SeniorCitizens discount admission!!!

Since I don't think I really look THAT far along in years, I canonly imagine that someone born in the 1990s no doubt assumed anyonegoing to see a Rolling Stones concert movie must be REALLY, REALLYOLD! Talk about a reality check!

I thought about going back to correct her mistake, but thendecided to pick up a “free” popcorn instead with the money I'dsaved, rationalizing it was the theater's birthday gift to yourstruly after years of loyal patronage, not to mention compensationfor all those ads and trailers I've had to sit through.

The truth is, turning 50 is really no big deal. I still feellike a kid, especially when I'm watching baseball–even though mostof the players are now young enough to be my sons. Even most of themanagers are younger than me these days! Thank God for “old men”like Joe Torre and Lou Pinella to grant me the illusion ofperpetual youth!

The ultimate shocker, however, may be yet to come. What ifBarack Obama somehow manages to get elected President? That wouldmake me older than the Leader of the Free World for the first timein my life.

Of course, if John McCain or even Hillary Clinton is elected, Ican remain a spring chicken by comparison, but it's not worth thecheap thrill. Vanity does not come before politics in my book.

How do you folks feel about all this? Is 50 really “the new 40″?Or is that just another gimmick to lighten the mood of those whowill have to work until their 70s to get Social Security?

Wish me luck!