Ask Dr. G.

The elusive geek master and sushi chef Dr. Gigabyte has returned from a brief sojourn in the high country. He reports a week in the mountains has deepened his understanding of the handicaps faced by many computer users. While meditating on a mountaintop, Dr. G. pondered the imponderable: “Why is it illegal to pilot an airplane above 10,000 feet without supplemental oxygen, yet it is a perfectly acceptable practice to stand on the edge of a 2,500-foot cliff at 13,000 feet without oxygen?” Dr. G. is here to answer your unanswerable questions. The moving finger writes and having writ moves on.

Dear Dr. G.: I saw an article in The Wall Street Journal recently saying consumers do not trust cookies and are deleting them or blocking them. Our consumer Web site for policy updates and claims submission uses cookies to identify our customers. What should I do? Do we need to rebuild these sites?

–Worried in Walla Walla

Dear Worried: You have every reason to be concerned–but not about cookies. Your total ignorance of the use and capabilities of a simple piece of text on a hard drive is appalling. It is a good thing you are an executive and not an important cog in the wheels of your company's IT department.

North Americans are an interesting lot. They willingly slather down a 1,500-calorie “meal” with 105 grams of fat that has been prepared by a pimple-faced 15-year-old with no understanding of hygiene beyond occasionally wiping his hands on the back of his pants, yet they become insanely paranoid about a mythical Big Brother tracking their meanderings about the Internet.

This is a real conversation Dr. G. has had with a customer:

Customer: “I know what you are doing!”

Dr. G.: “Huh?”

Customer: “With the cookies. You are tracking everything I do on the Internet, and I won't stand for it!”

Dr. G.: “Um . . . yeah . . . well, I guess you found us out. I suggest you turn off all cookies in your browser and then check out www.prozac.com.”

And who said insurance people aren't interesting?

What is it about conspiracies that so intrigues people? Life in the 21st century has enough real challenges without dreaming up new things to worry about. Cookies have been accused of being the “gateway” to your hard drive–accept cookies from a Web site and they can read every file on your computer; they can infest your computer with dangerous viruses; they can steal all your vital information and ruin your credit. How good is your credit, anyway? I wish someone would steal mine.

In point of fact, cookies are small text files that allow a Web server to store a few bits of information. They usually are time limited and can be very useful. When I return to a Web site, I like that satisfying, “Hello, Dr. G. Welcome back to Zen and the Art of Southern Barbecue.” Remember, on the Internet no one knows you're a dog–unless you have cookies enabled. If for some reason you must have total anonymity (say, maybe you are a spy, or a terrorist, or a sex offender on the lam), then by all means turn off cookies. On the other hand, if you have subscribed to a valuable service on the Internet, enabling cookies can make your life much easier by not forcing you to remember and enter your user name and password each time you use the site.

To get back to the initial question: No, you do not need to redesign your Web site. If your customers turn off their cookies, have some fun with it. Some ragged-out, irritating blowhard has been berating customer service for 20 minutes because he forgot his user name and password and can't get to his account information. In frustration, the CS unit flips him over to you. After he gets done questioning your intelligence and your morals and those of your children and their progeny through seven generations, you have the pleasure of responding: “Yes, Mr. Fatcat, I have your information right here. Your user name is 'big stud,' and your password is 'peachyface.'” This really can be fun. People use some amazing passwords. Some use vulgar expressions–those are great! “Ah yes, your password is ************.” How about when you take their call and the first words out of their mouth are: “Are you people stupid or what?” I have many fun and amusing responses to that one. Call me and maybe I will share.

Readers are invited to send their questions to Dr. Gigabyte at [email protected]. Letters are for purposes of exploring insurance IT issues only and may or may not be contributed by any particular individual.

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