Welcome to July! In this month of celebrations and cookouts, let's take a break from the normally serious content of this column and enjoy a tidbit from the lighter side of the news. So kick back with an ice-cold lemonade, grab a hot dog off the grill, and take a moment to appreciate that reality can be weird and insurance can be fun!
Disclaimer: The following column contains numerous references to religious beliefs and deities. Although this in itself may offend few, adding insurance to the mix may lead some to accusations of blasphemy. If you find yourself in the latter group, or if you simply are terminally humorless, then please move along--nothing to read here.
Many years ago, singer Ray Stevens had a hit with a satirical song titled "Would Jesus Wear a Rolex?" Stevens' ditty lampooned televangelists who, he implied, went over the top in the fundraising arena. Like most of his songs, this one was clever and playful, and it amused listeners familiar with the TV-preacher genre.
Although Ray may have exaggerated a bit to make his point, his words were somewhat prophetic. Although Jesus might not wear a Rolex watch, according to a recent press release forwarded to me, He does dig Old Navy jeans. The news account reports that in May the eBay online auction site featured a listing for a pair of men's trousers that bore the headline "Actual pants worn by Jesus Christ, the Son of God."
In the item description field, the seller explained how he came to possess the black jeans that he claimed The Messiah had worn briefly. "I was at home alone during a snowstorm the day after Christmas in 1996," said Matt Garry, who lived in Lynnwood, Wash., at the time, "when Jesus appeared in my kitchen." The apparition said he was cold in his robe and asked to borrow some clothes. According to Mr. Garry, Jesus donned some of his clothes, including a jacket, socks, underwear and an old pair of jeans. The two drank coffee and discussed life and death for about 30 minutes before Christ took his leave. Although he had fallen on hard times, Matt said, he enjoyed an amazing run of good luck that began the next day. He decided he wanted to "give back to the world" by sharing his good fortune, and he felt the best way to do so was to use the Internet to sell the pants to the highest bidder.
If Matt is to be believed, folks sporting "WWJD" (What Would Jesus Do?) apparel and accessories need to update them with "WWJW" (What Would Jesus Wear?). And how admirable that Matt, having experienced such good fortune following his divine encounter, is now willing to share his largesse with the world. We can only hope that soon he will offer other items of clothing worn by the Savior via similar channels of commerce.
In the meantime, though, the wondrous news of Christ's visit raises a host of questions. For example, what size clothing does our Lord wear? Why would someone who lived in ancient Judea need socks and underwear? And going out in a snowstorm in a robe? Even setting aside the issue of His omnipotence, doesn't Heaven get the Weather Channel?
Of course, the key question that no doubt leapt to your mind was, "How do you adequately insure items of clothing purportedly worn by the Lamb of God?" Although at first it may seem a daunting task, with careful and astute analysis we can ascertain an appropriate answer before more such items make their way to market.
First though, let's briefly consider the possibility of liability claims associated with the Matt's pants. Acts of God (including, one presumes, having anything to do with pants) are typically considered outside the realm of standard liability insurance coverage. When you think about it, wouldn't everything that Jesus does fall under that limitation? Ironically, atheists, agnostics and followers of religions other than Christianity would have to be granted liability coverage under the concept of adhesion, since their belief systems would create ambiguities as to the application of related policy provisions.
Property policies, however, present no such coverage conundrums. If Matt possesses a typical ISO HO 3 policy, no specific limitations preclude recovery if his sacred sartorial property is stolen or damaged due to an otherwise-covered peril. Some might argue that the limitation on "business property" should apply, since anything pertaining to mankind is reputed to be the Lord's business. I suggest, however, that anyone seeking to make such an argument prepare to be afflicted with more troubles than Job.
But now we come to the real crux of the matter. Exactly how does one arrive at a proper valuation for these items?
At first blush, "priceless" may seem the appropriate value, although many items classified as collectibles or rarities are valued and insured every day, subject to appraisal. Yet how to appraise Christ's clothing? Recently, sightings of sandwiches and highway underpasses adorned with images of the Blessed Virgin have been reported in the national news. True believers consider any price insufficient for such wonders, while skeptics insist their value is zilch.
Under the HO provisions, Coverage C items are subject to an actual cash value settlement, "but not more than the amount required to repair or replace" them. Naturally you would want to add the HO 04 90--Personal Property Replacement Cost Loss Settlement--to avoid that limitation, but does the form really solve the problem?
For example, how will the carrier address the following HO 04 90 provisions?
B. Ineligible Property
Property listed below is not eligible for replacement cost loss settlement. Any loss will be settled at actual cash value at the time of loss but not for more than the amount required to repair or replace.
1. Antiques, fine arts, paintings and similar articles of rarity or antiquity which cannot be replaced.
2. Memorabilia, souvenirs, collectors items and similar articles whose age or history contribute to their value.
3. Articles not maintained in good or workable condition.
4. Articles that are outdated or obsolete and are stored or not being used.
It doesn't take a Solomon to conclude that provisions 3 and 4 do not apply to Matt's jeans, but the first two are harder to dismiss. Unless it turns out that Jesus is paying personal visits to people other than Matt and wearing their clothing, too, we must determine whether the items borrowed are "articles of rarity or antiquity which cannot be replaced." I think they are. Yet the jeans' true value comes not from their rarity (and likely not from their "antiquity," although we don't know their exact age), but rather from the cachet lent to this otherwise ordinary item by the wearer. So clearly the second provision applies, since Matt's good-luck clothes are "collectors items" whose "history contribute[s] to their value." Thus, replacement cost coverage may not be an option.
Inland marine underwriters are famous for their inspired offerings. Maybe a carrier will decide that the existence of a new niche market warrants development of a special Holy Haberdashery floater. Perhaps one already has been developed for such items as church vestments and ceremonial raiments. And if not, might Lloyd's be willing to wade into Jordan's waters? Proper appraisal techniques could invoke a valued loss settlement clause and provide blessed assurance of valuation.
Actual cash value may prove the best valuation method in such circumstances. One of the accepted definitions of ACV is current market value, and now that we live in a digital paradise, such value determinations are far removed from the purgatory they once were. Matt has the ticket! Today we can establish an item's true value by listing it on eBay! As millions of buyers and sellers now know, to learn the true worth of any item, be it a sacred sandwich or prodigal pants, simply offer it up on the altar of online auction and soon valuation enlightenment will be yours.
So, as the author of Ecclesiastes wrote, "Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter." Matt's pants-of-plenty sold for--drum roll, please--$22! (Maybe he'd have gotten more if he'd thrown in the socks and underwear.)
To those who think this discussion was much ado about nothing, and items allegedly made valuable by their connection to the spiritual realms are relegated to the discount racks of life, I say, "Oh, ye of little faith!" For while Matt's Jesus Jeans were found to be mere Levites, another seller achieved at least a bit of paradise here on earth: A Volkswagon formerly owned by Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger, who in April became Pope Benedict XVI, sold for the heavenly sum of $220,000.
Ah, Matt, if only you had let Jesus borrow your car!
Chris Amrhein is an insurance educator and speaker with more than 30 years in the industry. He is also Chief Fun Officer of www.insuranceisfun.com. Readers may contact Chris at chris@insuranceisfun.com.
Disclaimer: The following column contains numerous references to religious beliefs and deities. Although this in itself may offend few, adding insurance to the mix may lead some to accusations of blasphemy. If you find yourself in the latter group, or if you simply are terminally humorless, then please move along--nothing to read here.
Many years ago, singer Ray Stevens had a hit with a satirical song titled "Would Jesus Wear a Rolex?" Stevens' ditty lampooned televangelists who, he implied, went over the top in the fundraising arena. Like most of his songs, this one was clever and playful, and it amused listeners familiar with the TV-preacher genre.
Although Ray may have exaggerated a bit to make his point, his words were somewhat prophetic. Although Jesus might not wear a Rolex watch, according to a recent press release forwarded to me, He does dig Old Navy jeans. The news account reports that in May the eBay online auction site featured a listing for a pair of men's trousers that bore the headline "Actual pants worn by Jesus Christ, the Son of God."
In the item description field, the seller explained how he came to possess the black jeans that he claimed The Messiah had worn briefly. "I was at home alone during a snowstorm the day after Christmas in 1996," said Matt Garry, who lived in Lynnwood, Wash., at the time, "when Jesus appeared in my kitchen." The apparition said he was cold in his robe and asked to borrow some clothes. According to Mr. Garry, Jesus donned some of his clothes, including a jacket, socks, underwear and an old pair of jeans. The two drank coffee and discussed life and death for about 30 minutes before Christ took his leave. Although he had fallen on hard times, Matt said, he enjoyed an amazing run of good luck that began the next day. He decided he wanted to "give back to the world" by sharing his good fortune, and he felt the best way to do so was to use the Internet to sell the pants to the highest bidder.
If Matt is to be believed, folks sporting "WWJD" (What Would Jesus Do?) apparel and accessories need to update them with "WWJW" (What Would Jesus Wear?). And how admirable that Matt, having experienced such good fortune following his divine encounter, is now willing to share his largesse with the world. We can only hope that soon he will offer other items of clothing worn by the Savior via similar channels of commerce.
In the meantime, though, the wondrous news of Christ's visit raises a host of questions. For example, what size clothing does our Lord wear? Why would someone who lived in ancient Judea need socks and underwear? And going out in a snowstorm in a robe? Even setting aside the issue of His omnipotence, doesn't Heaven get the Weather Channel?
Of course, the key question that no doubt leapt to your mind was, "How do you adequately insure items of clothing purportedly worn by the Lamb of God?" Although at first it may seem a daunting task, with careful and astute analysis we can ascertain an appropriate answer before more such items make their way to market.
First though, let's briefly consider the possibility of liability claims associated with the Matt's pants. Acts of God (including, one presumes, having anything to do with pants) are typically considered outside the realm of standard liability insurance coverage. When you think about it, wouldn't everything that Jesus does fall under that limitation? Ironically, atheists, agnostics and followers of religions other than Christianity would have to be granted liability coverage under the concept of adhesion, since their belief systems would create ambiguities as to the application of related policy provisions.
Property policies, however, present no such coverage conundrums. If Matt possesses a typical ISO HO 3 policy, no specific limitations preclude recovery if his sacred sartorial property is stolen or damaged due to an otherwise-covered peril. Some might argue that the limitation on "business property" should apply, since anything pertaining to mankind is reputed to be the Lord's business. I suggest, however, that anyone seeking to make such an argument prepare to be afflicted with more troubles than Job.
But now we come to the real crux of the matter. Exactly how does one arrive at a proper valuation for these items?
At first blush, "priceless" may seem the appropriate value, although many items classified as collectibles or rarities are valued and insured every day, subject to appraisal. Yet how to appraise Christ's clothing? Recently, sightings of sandwiches and highway underpasses adorned with images of the Blessed Virgin have been reported in the national news. True believers consider any price insufficient for such wonders, while skeptics insist their value is zilch.
Under the HO provisions, Coverage C items are subject to an actual cash value settlement, "but not more than the amount required to repair or replace" them. Naturally you would want to add the HO 04 90--Personal Property Replacement Cost Loss Settlement--to avoid that limitation, but does the form really solve the problem?
For example, how will the carrier address the following HO 04 90 provisions?
B. Ineligible Property
Property listed below is not eligible for replacement cost loss settlement. Any loss will be settled at actual cash value at the time of loss but not for more than the amount required to repair or replace.
1. Antiques, fine arts, paintings and similar articles of rarity or antiquity which cannot be replaced.
2. Memorabilia, souvenirs, collectors items and similar articles whose age or history contribute to their value.
3. Articles not maintained in good or workable condition.
4. Articles that are outdated or obsolete and are stored or not being used.
It doesn't take a Solomon to conclude that provisions 3 and 4 do not apply to Matt's jeans, but the first two are harder to dismiss. Unless it turns out that Jesus is paying personal visits to people other than Matt and wearing their clothing, too, we must determine whether the items borrowed are "articles of rarity or antiquity which cannot be replaced." I think they are. Yet the jeans' true value comes not from their rarity (and likely not from their "antiquity," although we don't know their exact age), but rather from the cachet lent to this otherwise ordinary item by the wearer. So clearly the second provision applies, since Matt's good-luck clothes are "collectors items" whose "history contribute[s] to their value." Thus, replacement cost coverage may not be an option.
Inland marine underwriters are famous for their inspired offerings. Maybe a carrier will decide that the existence of a new niche market warrants development of a special Holy Haberdashery floater. Perhaps one already has been developed for such items as church vestments and ceremonial raiments. And if not, might Lloyd's be willing to wade into Jordan's waters? Proper appraisal techniques could invoke a valued loss settlement clause and provide blessed assurance of valuation.
Actual cash value may prove the best valuation method in such circumstances. One of the accepted definitions of ACV is current market value, and now that we live in a digital paradise, such value determinations are far removed from the purgatory they once were. Matt has the ticket! Today we can establish an item's true value by listing it on eBay! As millions of buyers and sellers now know, to learn the true worth of any item, be it a sacred sandwich or prodigal pants, simply offer it up on the altar of online auction and soon valuation enlightenment will be yours.
So, as the author of Ecclesiastes wrote, "Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter." Matt's pants-of-plenty sold for--drum roll, please--$22! (Maybe he'd have gotten more if he'd thrown in the socks and underwear.)
To those who think this discussion was much ado about nothing, and items allegedly made valuable by their connection to the spiritual realms are relegated to the discount racks of life, I say, "Oh, ye of little faith!" For while Matt's Jesus Jeans were found to be mere Levites, another seller achieved at least a bit of paradise here on earth: A Volkswagon formerly owned by Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger, who in April became Pope Benedict XVI, sold for the heavenly sum of $220,000.
Ah, Matt, if only you had let Jesus borrow your car!
Chris Amrhein is an insurance educator and speaker with more than 30 years in the industry. He is also Chief Fun Officer of www.insuranceisfun.com. Readers may contact Chris at chris@insuranceisfun.com.
